We’ve all got one friend like it. That one friend who tells it like it is. The one who you hate to love on a Tuesday, but love to hate on a Sunday. Whether we need it, desire it, deter from it, or embrace it, those fabulous friends with the brutal life advice are the best friends you will EVER have
And here is why you should listen to them
Because ‘brutal truths’ are like the nagging mums of life
Not necessarily what you want to hear, but after a while you realise they’re annoyingly right…
1. If Someone Wants to be in Your Life, They Will Be
I’m pretty sure this will hit home for a lot of you reading this. Especially now we have continuous access to communication right at our fingertips. Those WhatsApp blue ticks can turn you from a blissful and naive creature of positivity, straight into a paranoid, bat-sh*t crazy person faster than you can say ‘Last Seen…’
I told myself NEVER to be that person – but as soon as we start to develop some kind of unpredicted or even unwanted feelings for someone, the idea of them starts to spread slowly throughout your subconscious.
My mum always says to me:
‘When I was young, we had to go to the end of the road to the phone booth to call people – so then you didn’t speak as much’
Yeah Mum, well times have bloody changed and this boy just said nice things to me. I’m needy and emotionally damaged OK?!
*cue tantrum from a 26-year-old woman*
Besides the point, we’ve all been there. Waiting. Pretending you don’t care. Waiting some more…
‘Why haven’t they text back yet?
‘The tick went blue 2 hours ago…’
‘They were last online 7 minutes ago…’
‘We went on a date a week ago’
WHAT IF THEYRE THE ONE
You know, totally normal reactions…
But a wise and brutally honest friend came to my rescue earlier this year, with some advice that I then passed on to my friends and am sharing with you lovely people right now:
‘If they aren’t messaging you back, they’re either seeing someone else, or just don’t like you that much’
Am I right??
But so brutally honest, that you don’t actually want to believe it.
Yet a small glimmer of hope still keeps shining in the back of your mind, feeding you with the idea that they just MIGHT suddenly realise you are meant to be together
Just me? cool
I swear I’m not crazy
Take the same advice and run with it. Whether it be with friends, family, colleagues, Starbucks employees or your neighbours dog.
If someone wants to be in your life, they will be
Turn your phone face down and have a cuppa with the people who REALLY care
2. You Are NOT Perfect, and You Never Will Be
Sorry to burst your bubble. But if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.
(But really, I touch on it in most of my blog posts)
You may look at someone longingly and think; ‘they are perfect’. Whether, it be body, features, lifestyle, personality…
But ask the person standing next to you, and their idea of perfection would be completely different.
Don’t fall for the illusion. Avoid being hypnotised by media and images that ‘claim’ to be showcasing perfection
(and 9 times out of 10 are making money out of you)
How many times have you seen slogans like;
Take this totally normal pill and Get the perfect body!
This funny coloured cream will give you perfect skin!
Invest your savings into this project and it will get you the perfect life!
Ok, so not EXACTLY like that, but along those lines.
We have all been brainwashed to believe that perfection is the key to complete success and/or happiness.
So as human beings we naturally follow trends and proclamations that claim to make our lives better
Because bloody Debbie put a holiday photo on her Facebook this morning, and that sinful niggle of jealousy suddenly got you sifting through pages of Google’s ‘get rich quick’ schemes.
(Yeah I been there)
Perfection does not exist, nor will it ever do so. Because Perfection is a completely imaginary illusion of what we believe we should achieve.
3. Sometimes Things Just DON’T Work Out
If I’ve learned anything good recently its this statement.
If anyone has read my post previous to this one, they would have found out about my impromptu trip to move temporarily to Sydney, Australia..
(something I was on the fence thinking about for a while, and for the full post click here)
My Dad said to me just a few days before this decision; ‘Nothing is set in stone’
And oh my goodness did my brains explode!
I had been clinging on to this dream of mine of having a thriving career within the performing arts world for so many years – alongside other ridiculous and random ideas that pop into my head during peculiar times of the night
Peers alongside me have dropped like flies, but I’ve kept powering through towards that light.
And I’ve always been so proud of myself for that
‘Your time will come, they said. Just keep on going, they said’
And now its 5 years later and I’m sitting at home watching Big Bang Theory at 4pm on a Monday afternoon receiving my latest audition rejection.
There’s only SO MUCH one person can take, and right now I am back at that familiar feeling of self-doubt, defeat, frustration and insecurity.
Is it time to move on? Will moving abroad work? Will I find myself? Will I start a new career?
But right now being in London and this environment is NOT working for me.
For 5 years and with every big decision I’ve had, a little glimmer of hope sitting on my right shoulder has whispered to me;
‘But what if something comes up??’
And its STILL THERE NOW. It’s literally the only thing that’s feeding me the negative thoughts on this decision.
But so what if it does??
Theres always going to be a reason not to do something – you could spend hours falling down a rabbit hole of inspirational quotes telling you to ‘keep going’, ‘believe and you shall receive’ or ‘reach for the moon and if you miss you’ll fall somewhere or something to do with stars’
but fundamentally, its only YOU who can decide which direction to take your path and whether you’re capable of making the changes within it.
Sometimes Ghandi isn’t necessarily right (WHAAAAT)
Which brings us to Number 4…
4. People Change. And You Change. Change is Good
Once you realise Step Number 3, this step becomes a whole lot easier.
How many of you still keep in contact with their bestie from toddler years?
Not very many
How many people do you see marrying and spending their life with their high-school sweethearts?
Not very many
And those who stay together are the lucky ones who change and grow into people who still like each other.
Through all of our different walks off life, no path is the same. The next time you meet someone new, think of both your lives being an intertwining hedge maze that eventually lead to exactly the same spot. Then VOILA – your paths combine and you meet.
But as our paths continue, personal decisions and actions can aid in the direction of a path. Your bestie can suddenly meet a life partner and slowly but surely your times spent together eating Deliveroo ice cream become less and less frequent.
A partner may obtain a new job where a whole new set of responsibilities and demands twist and turn their priorities into a completely new order and suddenly you’re waking up next to someone you don’t even recognise anymore.
And as sad and disheartening these factors can be, change can be inevitable. I know way too many people who are either afraid or completely against the idea of change, so try their very hardest to try to control certain aspects of their life.
The more you try to control something, the more it controls you. Free yourself and let things take their own and natural course.
If your life was meant to be controlled, it would have come with a remote.
The world is practically RUN by remotes! Allow changes to happen.
It might not be what you want in the present moment, but the more you can allow the changes in your life to glide downstream, the easier it is to continue along your own path again.
5. RuPaul is Always Right. Listen to RuPaul
‘if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?’
CAN I GET AN AMEN?!
Ok so not a BRUTAL truth. But a toughie if you’re new to the whole Self-Love thing.
Self-Love is not an act of selfishness. Until you learn how to love yourself you cannot truly put into practise the art of loving somebody else.
In this day and age, we spend way too much time HATING ourselves for everything we are not.
‘I don’t have small enough hips’
‘I don’t have a high enough IQ’
‘I don’t have the newest iPhone’
‘I don’t have a pretty enough face’
I could go on for ages, but you get the idea….
The negativity within you can spread from one person to the next. Your negative aura greatly effects the person spending time with you – like an airborne virus.
You bump into a friend in the street. You say; ‘hi how are you’. they return with; ‘hi, good, just got a really bad cold right now’
You immediately take a step back right??
It’s the same idea with the negative ideas you have within yourself
Don’t make yourself contagious!
Stop putting yourself down for everything you DONT have
Start loving yourself for everything you are and have achieved.
Your life’s path will never end. It’s always going to contain an endless destination. Life will throw all the obstacles while you’re travelling down it, but your new-found Self Acceptance is going to be the bat that knocks them all out of the park.
It’s time for you to take the almighty swing at hit that home run.
Life is a gift, and I don’t intend on wasting it
And neither should you!
(yes, that’s partly stolen from titanic)