Ahhh feels good to be back! Hope you haven’t missed my posts too much!
So while I was away enjoying some serious sand and Sun in Serbia & Budapest – alongside a ridiculous music festival that sent my body clock and Grandma ways into cardiac meltdown – I had some news brought to my attention.
Now it wasn’t exactly news to call home about, neither was the idea of it new to me. However, there was still an underlying current of very slight anger, disappointment, and the repeating headline;
‘Surely this can’t STILL be happening?!’
I’ve done my fair share of extra work over the years. From a wedding guest in ‘Legend’, a Croft Employee in ‘Tomb Raider’ to an Amazonian in ‘Justice League’. There’s a bit of a stigma with partaking in extra work alongside being a professional actor, but the way I see it, I’ve made good money, made incredible friends for life and endured life on a film set – which is a skill in itself!
So when the seasonal ‘availability check’ email starts circulating for the new ‘Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them’ movie (see what I did with the title there?) I immediately jump at the chance to be put forward. As a huge Potter fan in general and living a stone’s throw away from the filming studious, it’s a no-brainer!
Now unlike the entire rest of the creative industry, you don’t ALWAYS get the job (or even EVER) – yes I know it sucks, and no I don’t want to get a normal job just yet.
Here are a list of reasons I haven’t gotten a job before with regards to my body alone:
– Wrong hair colour
– Too tall
– Too short (yes, really)
– Boobs are too big
– Waist is too big
– Shoulders are too broad
– I’m too white… (don’t even get me started)
– Legs are too long
Basically everything on my body is too big – most of the time
You’ve probably guessed all that from my last posts though..
So when I sadly get the ‘cut’ from the movie, I immediately start questioning, like any other normal human being would do.
It was brought to my attention that a number of women were cut from the line up, like some glitzy beauty pageant without the glitz – and no-one gets a crown or modelling contract at the end.
And the reason?? The costume designer wasn’t accepting anyone over a C cup bra size…..
Yes, you read that correctly.
I even had to repeat the sentence again a few times in my head. While the source of this kept on talking, I couldn’t help but stay silent and drown in the same old feelings of disappointment and discrimination.
It’s not the end of the world that I didn’t make it into this film, however it’s the principal behind it.
I was in a full on trance state, with a cloud of questions and flashbacks blocking my hearing and sight for just a minute until I heard the words:
‘That’s why she’s an Oscar winner; She’s a Visionary’
Hold Up Sister
FIRSTLY if you’re using the Awards show with the least amount of diversity as a defending argument (until the ‘Moonlight Mix Up’ of 2017) then we’re going to need to have a seat with a pitcher of wine before I hit you with some home truths…
(I understand that currently the camera is pointed at the diversity of colour and race in the prestigious ceremony, however when was the last time you saw a woman above a Size 6 on that stage??)
SECONDLY since when does a costume designer need to restrict their sizing in order for the costumes to ‘look better’? Surely a ‘visionary’ designer should be able to dress her mannequins whatever their size or shape?
And if women were restricted on their breast size, does that mean men were restricted too?
THIRDLY Does that mean that everyone in 1920’s Paris was a C cup down?? I know this is supposed to be a ‘Wizarding World’ but COME ON don’t do a Great Gatsby on me now!
Now this has neither been confirmed by Coleen Atwood or Warner Bros at this time, and even if it isn’t true, the issue shouldn’t be brushed under the rug because it DOES happen.
Jeez, you supermodels thought you had it hard hey?
Unfortunately, this is the story of my life.
Lets talk about boobs
A feminine fragment of our fragile bodies that serves one basic purpose to feed our offspring.
But this is 2017
Women can really show off their multi-tasking these days by feeding their child in public with one, while getting themselves out of a parking ticket simultaneously with the other. Guys, you may aswell give up now, we’ve got this down
Jugs aside, the power of the female sexuality has truly hit its peak and it’s only reaching higher and higher. Women, men and everyone in between either have boobs, or appreciate them – or both.
However, in my own personal experience I have found that there’s a fine line between the ‘acceptable’ breast size and the ‘WOAH HOLD UP’ breast size.
For some ridiculous reason, directors and designers throughout the performing arts/modelling/film industry have a complete ‘one size fits all’ approach to the top half of a woman – and just think that no-one would notice.
It’s like getting 6 sugar sachets with your morning coffee; using only one and taking the rest home. You know you shouldn’t but you do it anyway.
Take THIS Example
It was November 2015. We had signed on our cruise ship, and settled into the coffin-type rooms we were going to be sleeping in the next 7 months (yay)
Next comes technical show rehearsals and … costume fittings!! (double yay)
Now I’m freaking out inside. I was sick with worry and I’ve always had a problem with my boobs fitting in my own costumes – let alone them being pre-made ones!
When I take one look at the sequin-studded bra I’m about to try on – I turn and ask – ‘What size is this?’
‘Oh, they’re all a 34B’
ALL OF THEM?! They bought all 12 women a 34B
Being a 34E/F (depending on the time of the month and whether I’ve scoffed too many KitKats a few nights before) there’s NO WAY that is happening.
I wasn’t the only one though, there were a few girls a bit bigger than that, but as per usual, not as large as old Tits Magee over here!
So naturally, my seamstress had to alter my costumes. So much so, my director had to go out into China and buy me a bigger bra for one of them.
The fact that a man can sit there and just generically throw 12 of us under one blanket of bra sizes in a hope that we will be a line up of ‘strong and stable’ May’s while kicking our legs up to our eyes on a nightly basis for 7 months, leads me to wonder what sort of boob education there is in the world.
Answer is; There Isn’t!!
We can access boobs 24/7 if we really wanted to. A peek at some porn, a scroll through saved pics, a rendezvous in reality. But what do we really know?
If I had a penny for the amount of times I had boyfriends in the past say; ‘I really don’t get bra sizes’..
Anyway back to the story
So the director rallies up the troops and we sit down in theatre. 22 in my cast, 2 choreographers, 1 singing technician, 1 director.
The director yells;
‘I CANT BELIEVE I JUST HAD TO GO OUT INTO CHINA AND BUY A NEW BRA FOR ONE OF YOU BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL DIDNT FIT’
Yeah, I was bloody mortified. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I have battled with my boobs since they grew overnight at the age of 15. My posture suffered, because I wanted to hide them. I constantly did push-ups when I was younger because I thought that would make them smaller. I had back pains when I was taking a certain contraceptive pill, because they grew THAT much.
And here I was AGAIN, age 24 allowing a man to crush my soul just that little bit more – because somehow the universe wasn’t quite done with me and my assets.
But I sit here now, retyping this again, thinking to myself; what an idiot.
Not me, him
Are you that stupid to think EVERY SINGLE WOMAN will have the same size breast??
And even if they don’t, WHY is it such an issue??
How can opinion of my boobs be SO DIFFERENT between reality and the professional world??
As far as I was concerned, once that show opened, I remember getting a few compliments on my curvaceous composition that I will happily take to the grave with me now! *flips weave*
But even so, I constantly felt the laser vision burning into the back of my skull, watching my every mouthful and silently judging every time I clipped my new bra into place.
As much as I try to lose my boobs, I can’t. Well I can, but I’m not about to fork out £4k for a reduction to make a singular man happy. And not even in THAT way!
What exactly am i fighting for??
Getting re-hired for another contract where I’ll probably end up miserable again and starving myself?
Trying to blend in when someone up there gave me a chance to stand out??
Keeping my head down and conforming to society standards??
Or finally bringing a whole heap of body shaming to light and lifting up that drab, dusty old rug for all to see what this industry really is.
And most importantly, staying TRUE to MYSELF and not letting a man/woman/or anyone else tell me otherwise.
I’d say ‘don’t hire me in future’, but they already did that (lol)
So now my rack has built up a list of being too big for
-The modelling world
-The Fitness world
-The Dance world
-& now the Film world
I wonder how much Harley Street charge….